Happy Endings
by Z. Alexander
Summary: You know...once upon a time, Roxas thought he had it all figured out. Not any more. He can see the light, but for him, there's only darkness. Ironic, that. Tragic AkuRoku.


I know I should be working on "Unchained Memory," "Strangely Familiar" and "Effect and Affection," but I'm a wreck right now. Don't worry…I'm not having Real Life problems. I'm just…okay. I'm out of clay _and _'art money,' and I'm going crazy.

Ahem. So, I wrote this short one-shot, because I _need _my fix of AkuRoku. I should warn you all that this is _very _angsty. Angsty!Roxas is so hard to write, but only because it makes me think about Axel; more specifically, Axel _burning to death. _Am I a sap or what?

And now, for the disclaimer: What would I do with Kingdom Hearts if I owned it? Munny can't buy happiness; only Hi-Potions.

**Happy Endings**

* * *

You know…once upon a time, everything made _sense. _

Not any more.

'Hollow Bastion' (technically Radiant Garden, but who knew back then?) was a world from which Kairi fell, but nobody _knew _that – not even Kairi herself. Or maybe she did, but she never said so. Riku was kind of obnoxious and very competitive, but it was okay; because everybody could see the smiles on his face, and friendship between boys was often expressed by rivalry.

Sora…

Sora was innocent. Sora _wasn't_ the Keyblade master, _wasn't_ the savior of the worlds. Sora was all smiles and laughter, except when Riku beat him at something…but he wasn't ever _angry _at Riku.

In _that _time, Roxas didn't exist, and he wishes it could go back to that. He wishes that everything could go back to the way it was, because not belonging to the heart you have is worse than not having one.

You know…once upon a time, he was glad he'd gone back to Sora.

Not any more.

Once he and Sora had come to an understanding, back there in the World that Never Was, he'd been _glad _things had worked out like this…because he thinks they _all _knew, deep down, that Organization XIII wouldn't have succeeded in their goal. He _knows _that for the story to end well, the Organization _couldn't_ succeed; because Sora, eventually, would _have _to send them back to the darkness they were created from.

Roxas tries not to dwell on the unfairness of it all – none of them _asked _to be created. It wasn't like they were trying to destroy the worlds…well, perhaps _Xemnas _was, but nobody knew what he was thinking and everybody knew he was crazy and Roxas, truthfully, never liked him in the first place.

Roxas wants to _disappear_ now because it wasn't supposed to end like this.

You know…once upon a time, Roxas thought everything was going to be okay.

Not any more.

He was supposed to go back to Sora and _become _Sora; he was supposed to be _erased. _That was why he was so _angry _at first; he didn't _want _to be erased; but it was inevitable. And he _knew, _that by merging with his Somebody, he was essentially dooming his old associates. He hadn't…_understood,_ exactly, what was wrong with him.What was the point of a heart, if one didn't know how to use it?

But now, it's been a long time (seven years? Eight?), and Roxas hates it because he _hasn't _been erased, and he has to watch through someone else's eyes as the sun sets over the ocean every evening. At least Sora doesn't live in Twilight Town; that would be infinitely worse.

He has to watch through someone else's eyes as Kairi's little three-year-old toddles around the house, and those green, green eyes and that red, red hair remind him so damn much of the _only _person he'd ever want to see again. Kairi's husband looks like _Him_ too; but the hair is a bit more manageable and the eyes are a smidgen softer and a tad sweeter and definitely bluer and he's not _quite_ as tall. Roxas knows it isn't true, but sometimes he feels like the Fates (those nasty old hags…Hades was right to be disgusted) are laughing at him, because he sees Kairi's family _all the time._

You know…once upon a time, Roxas was _sure _he had everything figured out.

Not any more.

He tries so hard to look away but his eyes are always open when Sora's are, even when Sora does with Riku what Roxas should've done with Axel before he left. He should've _looked _at him like Sora looked at Riku, and kissed him more than twice – a million times, a _zillion _times, never, _ever_ stopped –, whispered like _that,_ and maybe he'd have something other than a memory and hundreds of bitter _could've-beens._

Or maybe couldn't-have-beens; Roxas knows _now _what he felt_ then, _but back then he didn't understand it. He didn't understand it because _love – _and that's exactly what it_ was – _wasn't ever talked about. Roxas thinks that love is the only reason someone would _want _a heart…oh, if they only _knew. _Or rather…if they had only _known. _Roxas would give up _his _heart in a…wait for it…_heartbeat. _

Ironic, that.

You know…once upon a time, Roxas imagined a happy ending.

Not any more.

It sucks and it's hard and god_damn _it, he wants to scream but he can't, because even now, he doesn't _really _exist. He's just a shade in the back of Sora's head, a whisper of something Sora knows he should be able to make out but can't. Roxas knows how _simple _it was before he was created because Sora's memories are _his _memories now, even though Sora doesn't know _anything _about Roxas.

He has a real, beating heart, or at least Sora does, and he's part of Sora; but damn it, he doesn't _want _it. Not any more. Everybody, everybody he sees through Sora's eyes, got their happy ending. Everyone except _him._ But…no matter _how_ unfair it is…that's how it's _supposed _to be, right? To dwell in eternal darkness...

It's the fate of a Nobody.

* * *

END

* * *


End file.
